Teresa · A. · Gorman

I am home from vacation now and I am going to Ohio for Christmas to be with my cousins and their baby. You can hop on over tohttp://www.facebook.com/photo_search.php?id=1203905615 for photos of me with family during the last couple weeks. I am going to go for now. So I will talk to you later dahlins!
In the words of Dumbledore: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! The sixth Harry Potter film comes out in 135 days. So my journal is now overhauled to reflect my favorite wizard's house colors!

Love you dahlins!
me

I wanted to take a moment to reflect on some things as well as to fill you in on some of the things that have taken place in my life of late. Last night I had a conversation with the guy I am dating and we talked about something that I have only ever discussed with my sister, my parents and my mentor/friend Finn. We talked about how we deal with death. You girls know that I don't open up easily so this was a huge revelation for me. My dear little sister Emily knows that I don’t deal with it well. It hits me hard, grips my heart and shakes my soul to the very core. I remember the day that Deb McGuire died like it was yesterday. It is burned into my memory forever. I remember wanting to yell and scream at Finn on the phone, to tell her it wasn’t true that she was playing a cruel joke and I didn’t think it was funny. The words wouldn't come because in my heart I knew it was true. My heart burst that day, I didn’t understand and I didn’t get to say goodbye. I never got to tell her how much she changed my life, how much I loved her for loving and guiding me. She gave me a chance to be an artist, she didn’t care that  I was terrible at drawing, she cared that I learn that my art, whatever it was, only ever had to be beautiful to me; if I thought it was beautiful then others would learn to see the beauty of it as well. She had terrible issues with depression and never could make herself as happy as she made all of those around her. She never did understand how much she impacted all of us. I was numb for days, weeks even. She had been ready to go, ready to be home. But I and many others weren’t ready to let her go, to give her up. He only takes the best.

Ethan Grimm was fourteen. He battled cancer for nine years. He loved baseball and football, motorcycles and video games. He was vibrant, full of life, and hysterically funny. On the 15^th of March the angels came and took him home. The day before he died I felt so alone and so cheated out of understanding. I cried off and on all day. I just couldn’t hold it together, I was a wreck. There came a point that afternoon where I hit my lowest point, I just couldn’t control the sobs and tears that poured from the depths of my heart anymore. It was at this point, lying with my face pressed against a soaking wet pillow that I noticed the sickly sweet smell of honeysuckle. Now this is Iowa the honeysuckle won’t bloom until June and all the windows were closed. Then I recalled something that was either said to me or that I had read (I can’t remember which.) “When God knows you need someone beside you to hold you up and comfort your heart, he will send you an angel. You will know there is an angel with you because they smell like honeysuckle and sometimes roses.” I then posted the following on E’s website to his family:

To Tracy, Marcy, Asia and Ethan:

What Cancer CANNOT Do...
Cancer is SO Limited
It cannot cripple LOVE
It cannot shatter HOPE
It cannot corrode FAITH
It cannot destroy PEACE
It cannot kill FRIENDSHIP
It cannot suppress MEMORIES
It cannot silence COURAGE
It cannot invade the SOUL
It cannot steal ETERNAL LIFE
It cannot conquer the SPIRIT.
I know that right now none of us understand why Ethan must leave us. My hope for your family is that you will feel God's embrace for he is making ready to give Ethan the biggest hug of his life. Your family has touched not only me but so many others. You have taught us the true meaning of love, and of faith, true faith in the plan that God has laid out for all of us. Ethan, you have led such a brave life, you truly are a warrior. I am proud to say that I have been lucky enough to know you and your family. I wish you and your family peace and also hope that you know a community and family that is St. Albert loves and supports all of you. Tracy, Marcy, and Asia, my heart breaks for you as you go through this pain and shadow. No words can express the pain I feel as I watch and pray for you. I hope this brings you peace of heart and mind. I am so sorry. As always you have my love and prayers, as well as my family's. We love all of you and we pray for you.

Yours in Christ,
Teresa A. Gorman (class of 2007) and family

I don’t pretend to understand the feelings that they have losing a son and brother. I have never been through it and I pray that I never have to go through it. But E’s strength and faith and love for everyone touched me deeply as it did everyone. I am blessed to have been allowed to share in the light and love that was Ethan Grimm and his beautiful family. The day he passed my heart burst all over again but it was also comforted, knowing that a nine year struggle was finally over; E was now out of pain and in comfort. This is not meant to be a downer post or a sad woe-is-me post but a reflection and thankful post. I just have some things that I have needed to say for a while and haven’t found the courage to say it all till now.

My life of late is wonderful. I am in a good place. It has been a rollercoaster of a year. I made it through my first year of college successfully and alive. I am dating someone who I thoroughly enjoy spending time with and who I really do like. I have made friendships, broken friendships, learned to see people for their heart and mind not for what is good and what is flawed. I have grown up. I have changed so much in a year that it’s sometimes hard to believe. I am not the same person I was but I will dare to say that I am better, stronger, more stable person. I hope that this is evident to other people and not just something I see.

To close, I want you all to know that I love you and I hope your lives are going as well as mine is.

Love and prayers as always dahlins,

Me

LOVE YA BUNCHIES GIRLIES!
-ME